Hope Moms of Teens: Melissa’s 1st blog post (Let.it.go chapter 4)

Ever heard the saying: Necessity is the Mother of Invention ?

I don’t know that blogging is a true necessity and I know it is not my invention but we are on day 3 of no school due to Icemageddon here in Memphis and I am looking for a way to “get together” without driving on icy roads. Ever since my sister visited our group from Denver in the fall, I have had it on my heart to find a way to include Moms of Teens even if they can’t physically meet with us, whether it be for that week or for that season.

So I am taking this cooped-up situation and attempting to navigate this blogging world. I probably should take a tutorial or a class but for this moment I am winging it since that worked when I added the Valentine post.

I feel like a non-rule following rebel.

And maybe a little lazy.

Or perhaps a little crazy.

But I am going with  …  I’m letting go of micro-managing and trying to walk in faith.

Here goes:

wow… I thought of a shortcut already …

one thing I love about the internet/social media is that you can connect and collaborate.

It is not plagiarizing or cheating, it’s working together!

So I am going to start this off with a cut and paste from the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study:

Let.It.Go by Karen Ehman    Chapter 4, Managing Your Man

February 13, 2013 by Stephanie Clayton
Hey Ya’ll! Stephanie Clayton here! I am part of Melissa’s Online Bible Study Team and so excited to be sharing with you today about Chapter 4 – Managing Your Man. Before I get to the content and message of this blog, I want to acknowledge that many of you may be single, divorced, separated, or widowed. You may think this chapter will not apply to you. Let me challenge you to look over the chapter and material anyway. You never know when life circumstances may change, or when you might be able to use what you learn to help someone else! After reading this chapter, I think you will find that there are certain principles Karen mentions that we can apply to our lives regardless of our marital status.That being said, let’s get to today’s material!

I think I married the wrong guy…

I repeated this message to myself over and over again, looking for evidence to confirm its truth. I didn’t “feel” in love any more. I must have married the wrong guy. He was not spiritually leading our family. I made a big mistake. I didn’t like the way he disciplined our children. I was doing myself and my children a disservice by staying in this marriage. Everything Kevin did, right or wrong, I used against him.

Negative internal chatter is not just the negative things we say about ourselves. Negative internal chatter can deeply wound our relationships. When we have thoughts, we automatically look for evidence to support those thoughts. It’s just how our brains are wired. Think negative about your spouse, think you married the wrong guy, and you will find piles upon piles of things “wrong” about him and about your marriage.

So what do we do then? Is saving our marriage as simple as a shift in perspective? Not always, but it is a giant step in the right direction. I had convinced myself that Kevin was the wrong guy for me. My selfish mentality wanted to believe this and act on it. But marriage is not always easy. And then I read this quote…

“The truth is, a successful marriage is not the result of marrying the “right” person, feeling the “right” emotions, thinking the “right” thoughts, or even praying the “right” prayers. It’s about doing the “right” things – period.” Mark Gungor

Talk about eye opening conviction. I needed to do the “right” things, even though everything in me wanted to run away and hide. I needed to be the wife God had asked me to be, despite my feelings, bitterness, and anger. Healing in our marriage took time and effort from both of us. Kevin and I made a video blog about our experience, and will share this with you Friday! For today, I want to share Karen Ehman’s session two clip from the Let.It.Go DVD’s. I know you will enjoy and learn from what she has to say, plus some of it will make you giggle!

Watch this clip from session 2 of Let.It.Go. DVD series

Your response –

Challenge 1 – How do you respond to Karen’s message? In the comments section, share one thing you took away from this message.

Challenge 2 – Have you ever thought you “married the wrong guy” or had a friend or family member who has expressed these thoughts to you? What is God speaking to your heart about this issue? How can you use the Biblical truths and wisdom shared in Chapter 4 to transform your marriage and your life? Share your thoughts in the comments section.

Melissa here again, that was some good stuff. The DVD also has teaching on Sarai/Sarah but it isn’t available online so I am going to skip that portion of the outline for now. 

I have a few notes and questions that I was going to cover in class on Chapter 4.

1) On pages 73-78, Karen shared five biblical “dance steps” for letting our husband lead. Which ones do you find the easiest to follow? Are there any you find a wee bit more challenging?

  1. Realize that the act of submitting is always a choice by and an action of the wife.
  2. Know that backing off and not controlling your husband will feel very foreign.
  3. Recognize the subtle difference between manipulation and influence.
  4. Then find the unique dance steps that work for Your marriage.
  5. Recognize when you need dancing lessons from a pro.

2) If your teenage daughter grew up and treated her husband exactly as you treated her father this past week, would you be proud of her? If not, what is one thing you could do differently this coming week?

3) If your teenage son grew up and married a woman who treated him exactly as you treated his father this past week, would you be happy for him? If not, what is one thing you could do differently this coming week?

I am embracing the verse today. I am trying to walk in my calling with humility. As I remember to be gentle and patient and loving with my family as we all navigate this change in schedule and added togetherness. 

Moms of teens memory verse February 2015.

Moms of teens memory verse February 2015.

One last thing: Today is the beginning of lent. Not associated with our book, Karen Ehman posted a “reverse lent challenge” on her website. I love it and am going to participate. If you choose to do it and you like her idea about writing notes, you could even pick a fellow Moms of Teens’ woman from our roster and send a note.


Signing off. I look forward to reading your comments.



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